the girl with the kaleidoscope heart

I cannot fully describe how torn and broken the past week has left me. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride. I’ve confided to my close friends and cried every day of this week and i know the pain will get much worse. The nightmares started last night. I guess this is what I get for not learning anything from the first heartbreak. It’s safe to say that if we don’t remember the lessons we’ve learned, we’ll have to take these trials again and again. So, no excuses, not even the slightest - this time I’m really moving on. It would be immature to say any of this wasn’t my fault, because the truth is, I walked into this trap myself. No, actually, I saw this trap and jumped into it headfirst. I knew I’d get hurt and I knew what kind of jerk he was. My brain was sending neon bright warning signals that all this was a bad idea from the moment I decided it was okay to give him a third chance. My mother verbally warned me about him and even begged not to choose him. My friends all warned me from seeing him again. Yup, this is what I get from ignoring all the signs. Well, this experience has humbled me. It’s sad that I am reduced to this. But, I will not let this experience define me forever. I am actually looking forward to better days ahead. And because this has happened to me before, i know how the cycle goes… now that I’ve reached bedrock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. :) I know the next couple of weeks will get pretty ugly. But I won’t give up.