the girl with the kaleidoscope heart
20 year old Cebuana. Architecture student. Youth for Christ.
This semester has been the toughest one yet. Not just because of the school works but also because of the personal trials I’ve encountered. By the end of this sem, I’ve learned and re-learned these life lessons:
> Guard your heart
> Do not rely on your own understanding, seek God.
> I learned that I have real friends whom I can trust and who accept the real me.
> That some things will eventually fall into place if we trust God and his perfect timing.
I am grateful because God gave me these wonderful and sometimes annoyingly crazy classmates as a barkada for 3 years now. I can’t imagine my college life without these 5 people who are patient in listening to my problems, don’t judge me for my mistakes and accept the real me (no pretending). Architecture is a very tough course, but it’s not so hard when you spend everyday with them. We study together, do our plates together, sleep together, don’t sleep together, eat together and celebrate together :) Ger, Guane, Kibong, Aldo and Milj… you don’t know how thankful I am for the friendship you showed me this sem. Thank you for proving that I don’t have to be alone in this. I probably wouldn’t have survived if it weren’t for you. :) As sappy as it sounds, i love you guys!
I am a YFC youth head.
My members look up to me and my ate’s and kuya’s pray for me & pastor me.
And I realized it’s okay sometimes to be afraid (and to doubt yourself and to feel scared of the future and to fail sometimes and to feel unworthy).
The expectations are high because we are constantly called to step up.
To step up in the little things, to step up in the BIG things.
And tonight, I remembered that there are greater things than this.
I have come to the conclusion and am comforted by the grace that I do not need to feel afraid because “it is not my work, but HIS” :)
Today in bullets:
Young, wild and free. :)
I cannot fully describe how torn and broken the past week has left me. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride. I’ve confided to my close friends and cried every day of this week and i know the pain will get much worse. The nightmares started last night. I guess this is what I get for not learning anything from the first heartbreak. It’s safe to say that if we don’t remember the lessons we’ve learned, we’ll have to take these trials again and again. So, no excuses, not even the slightest - this time I’m really moving on. It would be immature to say any of this wasn’t my fault, because the truth is, I walked into this trap myself. No, actually, I saw this trap and jumped into it headfirst. I knew I’d get hurt and I knew what kind of jerk he was. My brain was sending neon bright warning signals that all this was a bad idea from the moment I decided it was okay to give him a third chance. My mother verbally warned me about him and even begged not to choose him. My friends all warned me from seeing him again. Yup, this is what I get from ignoring all the signs. Well, this experience has humbled me. It’s sad that I am reduced to this. But, I will not let this experience define me forever. I am actually looking forward to better days ahead. And because this has happened to me before, i know how the cycle goes… now that I’ve reached bedrock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. :) I know the next couple of weeks will get pretty ugly. But I won’t give up.
Ever since the 6.9 earthquake and the series of aftershocks (that went on for 2 days and caused sooo much panic) hit Cebu, I’ve been 100 times more grateful to wake up in the morning. :))
What made me realize this? Monday evening, when we could still feel aftershocks, our household help was sleeping near the foyer. We heard a loud crash and we hurriedly went outside our rooms to find out what it was. We saw that one of the picture frames hanging on the wall had fallen and the glass crashed into pieces all over the place. We watched as our yaya (always been the deep sleeper) continued sleeping with big shards of glass around her. We woke her up and helped her throw the broken pieces of glass. It was kinda funny but I realized that she easily could have been pierced by a piece of glass while she was asleep. I thought, hey anything CAN happen while we’re asleep.
I’m grateful that the Lord protected Cebu while we’re all asleep and vulnerable in our beds that night. I know it sounds cliche-ish.. How easily we could’ve (God forbid) died in our sleep last night, but our loving Father gives us THIS DAY to start fresh. I admit, I used to wake up every morning thinking about not wanting to be late for school, what to wear (if it’s a wash day haha), the plates that needed to be finished, and 1 million other things. I forget to appreciate first the blessing of simply being awake. But since the earthquake(s), automatically the first thing that pops in my head is this, “Good morning Lord, salamat sa pagpukaw.”
(Good morning Lord, thanks for waking me up)
I posted this on my bedroom mirror after my RYC Bohol experience. Everyday, I see these post-its when i wake up and they constantly remind me that I have a loving Father in heaven. Just when I feel so down to even get up in the morning and start my day, with the events of yesterday still clinging, moments of regret playing in my head… the Lord tells me every morning without fail, “Tin, you are my greatest masterpiece, you are worth dying for.” And no matter how ugly I think I look in the morning, bare and without make-up, I am still God’s greatest masterpiece. No matter how great my sin is the day before, making me feel unworthy, I am still worth dying for. These post-its remind me that nothing I confess will make my God love me any less because His love is constant. :)
This photo was taken after the Sto.Nino Procession last January 14. I was with Anthon, Iliad, Ate Ann and Sweety. We stopped by to eat my favorite street food — quek-quek! :)
We got a call from Tacloban, Leyte the day before my birthday.. our aunts said our Lolo (88 years old) was in the hospital. So we booked a ticket and went there after Christmas. It’s been almost 4 years since we last visited my father’s hometown. Even if our stay there was short (2 days and 1 night), I felt like it was worth it because we got to visit our lolo and talk to him.. there’d be times I’d get too emotional that I’d just go back to the main house and pretend to get some food. Speaking about food.. we ate prawns! They were sooo huge! I think I ate 10 :) Well, hello extra pounds :)
The flight from Cebu to Tacloban only took around 20 minutes. Our uncle fetched us from the airport.
We arrived in my grandparents house. I felt nostalgic reminiscing the weeks we’d spend there on vacation during the summers.
My grandfather got home from the hospital that morning. He looked really happy to see us and he asked me to take a picture of him. After chatting with him, he felt sleepy so we tucked him to bed..
Took bokeh shots when we went to Robinsons Tacloban that evening.
Took these on the flight back to Cebu. :)
